Hyperbolic Plot Device/Transcript
DISCLAIMER GOKU: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Bulma's house where she, Dr. Briefs, and Krillin are reviewing the schematics Krillin brought back from Dr. Gero's hidden lab) BULMA: Wait, so you're saying he had a sub-lab? DR. BRIEFS: Of course he had a sub-lab. We all have sub-labs. Where do you think I keep your mother's clones? BULMA: Mom's what? DR. BRIEFS: (quickly) Don't go in the basement. (looks through the schematics) Oh look, there's bombs in the androids! I could probably make a detonator for that. KRILLIN: I don't know, do you really have to blow them up? DR. BRIEFS: Why do you care? They're mostly just machinery at this point. Whoops, 'cept for the lady. Babymaker's still intact; guess she's still useful for somethin'! KRILLIN: So you're saying she still has a-- DR. BRIEFS: Vagina, yes. KRILLIN: ...Just went from a nine to a ten. BULMA: Ugh. Anyway, where's everyone else right now? KRILLIN: Well, Piccolo and the others are searching for Cell... (cut to Piccolo and Tien in a ravaged theme park) PICCOLO: How are all these rides still running? TIEN: Why are the clothes still on them? PICCOLO: This is supposed to be a place of fun! (back to Krillin) KRILLIN: So, hopefully that's going well. And Trunks went off to find Vegeta... (cut to Trunks sitting a considerable distance away from Vegeta) TRUNKS: NOTICE ME!!! VEGETA: .....NOOOO!!! (back to Krillin) KRILLIN: Best of luck there... BULMA: And any update on Goku? (cut to Chi-Chi getting some water in a bucket at Kame House) KRILLIN: Oh, he's just resting at Kame House. Probably still asleep. (there a loud rumbling that causes Chi-Chi to fall on the floor) CHI-CHI: Ah! The androids are here! Bring it on, you robotic sons of-- huh? (rushes upstairs and opens the door to see that Goku is gone) Oh, no! They've already got him! (looks out the window) Ah! MASTER ROSHI: Did I miss somethin'? (looks out the window and sees the ocean splitting apart) Well, either Goku's awake or Moses has brought the Jews. Either way, my pantry's not full enough. (Chi-Chi looks down and gasps) Hmm? (Goku is seen fully awake and standing in front of the splitting ocean) CHI-CHI: Goku! (jumps out the window) GOKU: Oh, hi! (Chi-Chi runs up and hugs him while laughing) Aw, hugs are nice. CHI-CHI: Oh, tell me you're finally okay! GOKU: (picks Chi-Chi up) Yeah-huh! Never felt better! Wanna see? CHI-CHI: (as Goku starts swinging her around) Hold on-- (Goku accidentally throws her into the sky) AAAH! GOKU: Huh... Wonder when she'll come back do-- (shows Chi-Chi getting launched into outer space, catching on fire as she leaves the atmosphere, which causes Goku to become pale with shock) SEQUENCE (cut to the androids driving through a lush forest) ANDROID 18: I can't believe you took this thing off-roading! This thing barely handled on the freeway! ANDROID 17: Oh, come on, 18. Where's your sense of adventure? ANDROID 18: About 15 miles back with the shocks! ANDROID 16: I personally enjoy this alternate route. It is dense with foliage and wildlife, and... (Android 18 fires a blast that destroys the entire forest) ...and spending time with you. But clearly, you disagree. ANDROID 17: Won't lie, sis... Kind of a dick move. ANDROID 18: Aw, come on. We'll take him to a zoo after this. How's that? You wanna hit up the zoo, 16? ANDROID 16: ...I want to see the parrots. (cut back to Kame House with Goku putting on his gi) MASTER ROSHI: Goku, you have missed a hell of a day! GOKU: Oh, I knew everything. I learned it in my pirate dream. I was having a ninja dream, too, but it ended. CHI-CHI: (somehow surviving her expedition to outer space) All right, now listen, I know you just woke up, so... GOKU: Yeah, I was out of permission for a while. I really oughta get back to training. (Chi-Chi growls angrily) So I can fight Cell! (Chi-Chi growls louder while shaking angrily) What? If-- if you're worried about Gohan, I'll bring him along with me. CHI-CHI: *sighs* Fine. GOKU: (dumbfounded on what he had just heard) Huh? CHI-CHI: Go ahead, go train, take Gohan, fight your evil android bug-monster! But I want you to promise me one thing... GOKU: Okay... What's that? CHI-CHI: I want another baby! GOKU: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye! (teleports out) MASTER ROSHI: Uh... Was that a yes? CHI-CHI: It wasn't a no... MASTER ROSHI: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye! (cut to Krillin, Yamcha, Piccolo, Tien, and Gohan flying in a plane) KRILLIN: Thanks for swinging by to pick me up! YAMCHA: What were you doing at Bulma's house, anyway? KRILLIN: Oh, just dropping off the bluegina-- I mean, vagprints-- I mean, thanks for swinging by to pick me up! PICCOLO: This is bad. We can't just keep running after Cell. Every time he slips away, we lose another city! TIEN: Don't be so melodramatic. Worst case scenario, we wish people back with the DragonBalls. PICCOLO: Uh... KRILLIN: Oh God, what? PICCOLO: So, remember how Kami and I fused? TIEN: No... PICCOLO: And remember how we used to have DragonBalls? TIEN: Holy shit... KRILLIN: Wait, I'm still confused. TIEN: The DragonBalls don't exist anymore, Krillin! KRILLIN: (in an extremely high-pitched voice) Oh. Okay... YAMCHA: Dude, don't worry. I still have the bunker. KRILLIN: WHY DON'T WE HAVE GOKU?! (Goku teleports in) GOKU: I'm taking Gohan, bye! (teleports out) GOHAN: What? (teleports out with Goku, leaving everyone else surprised on what just happened) PICCOLO: Good news, we have Goku. KRILLIN: Bitchin'! Let's go hang at Kame House! KAMI: (Oh, good. We'll have to see if he's carrying.) PICCOLO: (thinking) Carrying what? KAMI: (I'm asking if he's got any grass on that island.) PICCOLO: (thinking) Well, yeah, but it's mostly covered by that house. NAIL: (He's asking if he has any pot.) PICCOLO: (thinking) I don't know, probably. I mean, he knows the Mafūba. KAMI: (Oh, my God.) NAIL: (The what?) (cut to Trunks still watching Vegeta from a distance as Goku and Gohan appear behind him) TRUNKS: Huh? GOHAN: What just happened? TRUNKS: Goku? And Gohan? GOKU: I'll fill you in later, Gohan. Hey, Trunks! How's the training coming? TRUNKS: I don't know, let's see. Hey, Dad, do you want to train with me? VEGETA: F**K OFF!!! TRUNKS: About that well. GOKU: Ooo, only on two words, huh? I'll go talk to him. (heads over to Vegeta) Hey, 'Geets! (Vegeta growls) I heard you lost your fight pretty bad. (Vegeta growls again while shaking in anger) But you know what they say, Vegeta... When you fall off that horse, you get right back up...and you eat that horse! Come eat that horse with me, Vegeta! VEGETA: What the hell are you on about? GOKU: Oh, I just found a place where we can do a whole year's worth of training in a day. VEGETA: ...I'm listening. GOKU: It's up on Kami's Lookout! Although now I guess it's just The Lookout. Either way, they call it the-- (cut to Mr. Popo on The Lookout) MR. POPO: Hyperbolic Time Chamber. VEGETA: WHAT THE F**K IS THAT?! (cut to Goku's house where the androids have arrived) ANDROID 17: So, 18, what's it look like in there? ANDROID 18: (inside looking at one of Chi-Chi's clothes in a mirror) It looks like Goku's wife is a Chinese princess. Seriously, I'm glad she's my size, but who wears this junk? ANDROID 17: I mean, is Goku there? ANDROID 18: Oh, no, place is empty. Devoid of both people and taste. ANDROID 17: Huh. Didn't figure Goku for a runner. ANDROID 18: Well, if I were a guessing girl, I'd say they're at Kame House. ANDROID 17: But that's like the second place we'd look! ANDROID 16: Confirmed. That is the second place we shall look. ANDROID 17: Hmm, but it's on an island, so we can't take a van... ANDROID 18: Oh, thank God. ANDROID 17: So we'll find a boat! ANDROID 16: No! ANDROID 17: ...Pardon? ANDROID 16: We have done it your way. Now we do it my way; the bird way. We fly...! ANDROID 18: He's finally speakin' my language. I mean, kind of. (cut back to The Lookout with Mr. Popo leading the four Saiyans—Saiyan-Hybrids in Gohan and Trunks' case—to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber) MR. POPO: Here it is, maggots, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. GOKU: Wait, I thought it was called the Room of Spirit and Time? MR. POPO: I said that 'cause you kept mispronouncing it. GOKU: Naw, I can do it. Hypebola Mime Chamber. MR. POPO: No. GOKU: Hyperglycemic Crime Chamber. MR. POPO: You get one more. GOKU: ...Hypebonics Rhyme Chamber. MR. POPO: Hmm. (opens the door) Inside time moves at 365.24 times that of this dimension. In Goku terms, one day out here, one year in there. And only two of you maggots can enter at a time. GOHAN: Wait, how long have you known about this? GOKU: Since I was a kid. GOHAN: Then why didn't Krillin and the others use it to train against the Saiyans? Why didn't we use it to train against the androids?! MR. POPO: They had...other training. Besides, they most likely would not have survived. I threw Goku in there once when he was a kid. GOKU: I almost died. MR. POPO: Hmm. VEGETA: Then the boy and I will go first and save you two the trouble. Move it, boy! (Trunks starts walking inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber) TRUNKS: (while walking past Goku) Help me... GOKU: Have fun, Trunks! You too, best buddy! (Vegeta and Trunks enter the Hyperbolic Time Chamber) Huh... You know... You don't really seem like yourself today, Mr. Popo. (from Mr. Popo's vision, an image of Kami is seen behind Goku) MR. POPO: Hmm. (cut to Kame House where the news channel is on while Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien are sleeping) REPORTER: ...find a cabin in the woods, and if anyone comes knocking, make sure you let the right one in, or you'll be dead by dawn. KRILLIN: (talking in his sleep) Not today... NEWS ANCHOR 1: The death toll keeps rising as... (the channel changes) NEWS ANCHOR 2: ...the unknown creature continues its... (the channel changes again) NEWS ANCHOR 3: ...terrifying siege across our nation. PICCOLO: (watching the news) I GET IT, HE'S ABOSRBING PEOPLE! I'M TRYING TO STOP IT!!! KAMI: (Maybe you should get some sleep like everyone else.) PICCOLO: (starts walking to a window) I'll sleep when I'm dead! ANDROID 17: (off-screen) I can help with that! PICCOLO: WAKE UP!!! KRILLIN: (wakes up) Ahh! Oh, man... I had the craziest dream; Cell was there! PICCOLO: Well, the androids are here! ANDROID 17: Yo. KRILLIN: AAH!!! ANDROID 17: (as Piccolo walks outside) We're here for Goku. PICCOLO: Son of a bitch! ANDROID 16: Son Goku is not here. ANDROID 17: Son of a bitch! PICCOLO: You heard him, Goku's not here. ANDROID 17: Oh, I heard him. We're just not very happy about it. Right, 16? ANDROID 16: '''(looking furious) Son Goku...is not here! '''ANDROID 17: Exactly. And we came all the way out here to kill somebody... So you've got one of two choices: you can either tell us where Goku is, or, well... PICCOLO: Or what? ANDROID 18: Or we kill you! (closes her eyes in frustration) Oh, my God. KRILLIN: Hey, 18! You... You come around here often? ANDROID 18: Nope. KRILLIN: Hmm. MASTER ROSHI: Uh, excuse me, androids? If you're gonna fight, could you please move it off the island? It's quite literally the only thing I own. ANDROID 17: That's fine, but when I win, I'm blowing it up for funsies. MASTER ROSHI: Hmm. PICCOLO: All right then, follow me. There's a series of uninhabited islands over there. ANDROID 17: How do you know that? PICCOLO: You three stay here. I'll handle this... (starts flying away with the androids) KRILLIN: Oh, okay, I'll SpaceBook you later! YAMCHA: So, if he fails, we're all gonna die, right? TIEN: Basically. And we have no DragonBalls. YAMCHA: ...Hope training's going well. (meanwhile, inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber up on The Lookout...) TRUNKS: Uh... uh... Holy... This place...it's...nothing but a white void! I can't see where it ends! Or even where it begins! It's...overwhelming. I need time... Time to adjust! Time to-- VEGETA: TRAINING BEGINS NOW!!! (smacks Trunks in the face) You weren't ready. (Trunks groans in pain) SEQUENCE STINGER (cut to a shot inside a sub-lab where a baby version of Mrs. Briefs is seen floating inside a tank) DR. BRIEFS: (walks up and observes the tank) Hmm... Soon... (starts chuckling)